Sunday, January 15, 2012

possible?

is it true that blood is thicker than water??
many said that no matter what happen u had your family member behind your back??? is the theory applicable to all types of situation or it is only applicable to some, just like the other life theory???

human, dont them change over certain period of time??? separated and living in other place, looking at the different life, thinking of different theory, and ending up having different mindset and with this, argument tend happen in every way~~

with this, could still family member be together??? living under a same roof??

i had seen people leaving their family member alone in the nursery home, i had seen siblings fighting over the money, i had seen own family member cheating each other, and some even rape their own child...

how could this happen??? if family wasnt the safest people to be around, whoelse??

just like mine, if i dont even care so much about them, leaving them to do what they like so that they could be happy for that particular moment, could it be better???
maybe this way would be better....




a mute never hurt anyone... they just dont~ and im learning this theory~~
a NOMB would be best.. =)

Friday, December 30, 2011

tangled

the year is ending soon~ we will be greeting the whole new year in another 2 days?? no..another day~ 2011 ending..2012 approaching.. after 3 months of tears, 3 months of anger, 3 monts of happiness, 3 months of smile,

despite the fact at times we wish the time could stop, despite something big happen in our life, our grandpa clock just keep on ticking..and well, after adding up those 3 months...here we are, 12 months of our life.. =)

life is so unpredictable.. *laugh*

oh and oh, the title "tangled" is because...i watch TANGLED which is basically RAPUNZEL this afternoon~ =D
it definitely ends with a fairy tale way - happily ever after...

bt does life really end happy ever after in everyone life?? for how many percent??
i certainly have no idea...and no idea how to count...

just a little innocent question : Will i ever had the fairy tale ending in my life if i hold a stronger faith in it???? a stronger belief and trust...

i dont know...till the day my life is ending~ =) for now, let's just celebrate the countdown of the brand new year 2012...
should i do a evaluation on my life in 2011??? yeah i should bt i am not going to tell u guys~ hahaha... =) and my resolution, as i said before, the one and only one... live a simple happy life~ =D

tata~~

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

two...

when two become one~~

people who listen to the 90s will remember this song..from SPICE GIRLS though~ =)
but oh well, not talking about the 90s music although i wonder where they gone... neither am i talking about SPICE GIRLS, once my top favourite girl group... =)



have anyone ever count the number of junction one had already encounter in 2 decades of life?? plenty isnt it...even in choosing our dear meal such as having western food today or just simply a bowl of fruits.. =) in this full of chaos, full of excitement, full of curiosity, full of disappointment, full of happiness life, it is also full of choices and the unwanted junction... =)

i bet everyone when reach this ever loved-yet-hated junction of life, where they about to take a big bend and there is no U-turn along this road, they eventually lowered their head, look thru the grasses and see as far as they could, till where the bend obstruct their vision... step a little forward, look again, still ntg could be seen... take a little step to the right, look again thru the grass, satisfied?? no?? then walk a little to the left, look again, happy??? no?? then jump up a little, wishing we could see what is awaiting in front...still nothing could be seen... alright, then i shall see what is waiting for me in another route.. did the same thing, comeback with the same disappointment..

one road seems like it had been wear off... one just had few prints, so few that u can actually count the footprint with the little cold finger of yours... should i be the safe one and continue with the road that had been used like a thousand times, or should i brave myself and explore the route that is used less than 10?? will i be stronger walking through the tall grass?? or i be safe walking on top of the small weeds that had been step a few times.. standing there still, thinking which road to be taken...

and this reminds me of the poem i read in school.... the road not taken by robert frost :

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


in our life, it is always with choices, we look, we consider, we even weight both the decision.. the grass that obstruct part of your view, it represent the obstruction in the decision we took...we weight that it look likes it weigh the same...could it be the same asked our little heart...the bend we look into, represent the change in our life...could the bend bent at the same degree??? would we be still the same person we are after the bent?? our little brain wonder... down the road, down the muddy road, will my wagon ever had a chance to turn and back to the same junction i had been to??? will when i finally return to the same junction, i am still the same person judging the 2 roads?? will the route ever look the same?? without the footprint of mine???

had you ever wonder what would it be when we took the right, what makes us be if we were in the left?? i dont know about others, neither can i be bother about it... but at least i do...i did wonder if i ever take a turn to the right, what would happen to me if i were at the left??? would the accident that bound to happen on the right could be prevented if i turn my car to the left?? is the journey to the right is shorter compare to the journey on the left?? when i met my friends on the right, will that mean i lose the chance to meet them when i am on the left??? what is there waiting at the left?? at what price did i pay when i take up my determination... =) i just wondered..

but hey, i just wonder...never did i ever take a u-turn and back to the junction where i pick up the right and left the left forever unknown....life is full of excitement, well again depend on how we look at it...the right has it own excitement... has it own world to be explored...has it own grass that stand tall~ i took my determination, my courage to pick the unwanted road...again, i wear off my courage to continue going down the bent.. i had no idea how much it has mould me into...can i say i am still the same person who made the choice?? am i stronger from all the tall grass?? am i better off with choices next time in my life???
till the time i reach another junction, then my mysterious answer would be answered...

you might ask, am i in the right pathway?? will the sun finally shine on the road..
i had no idea...could i ever judge the route if it is right or vice versa... could i jump up and point my finger on the road and scream, I AM SO WRONG ON PICKING YOU.. could i say IF ONLY I CHOOSE THE OTHER INSTEAD OF YOU!!
no..i cant.. all road has it good and bad...it is basically the same..
the difference is that, how we learn from it...from the tall grass, from the pebbles on the road, from the sand that caught your eye, from the hot ray of the sun, each and everything taught us how to handle our life..and eventually when we walk out from this road, sometimes down the timeline, we will be someone we taught ourselves, we will be able to proudly say I AM WHO I AM...

2012 is nearing...what is my new year resolution?? each and every year i make a hell long list of it...but for this year, i would only make one...that is to live a simple happy life~ =) wish me luck!! ^^

Friday, December 16, 2011

...





[Chorus]
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

[Verse]
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

[Chorus]

count on me

u can count on me like 1,2,3
i'll be there
and i know that i need it i can count on you like 4,3,2
and u'll be there..
that's what friends supposed to do oh yeah~


from Bruno Mars... =)


is it true that i can actually count on someone so out of thought, out of mind???
can i really throw temper, laugh loudly, present what i really feel to someone i call friend??
can i really trouble them and expect them not to be angry and no matter how many times they had to amend my mistake for me and yet quietly standing there for me again???

can i ???

i always thought that in this whole wide world, the only people i can be angry about, i can trouble about and i can really be who i am, expressed what i feel and confidently know that they are still here with me is none other than my own family member....they are the only people i know i can be who i am and nt being pretentious... because i know they are the people i can really count on~ and ps : this does not include someone i call boyfriend~ =D

dont ask me why this post..it just pass my brain..
face it, this world didnt revolve just around us...the world wont stop because of certain thing and certain person...
time heals someone, as well as remodel other... how long can we actually be the same person we used to be???
and how long since people stop condemn on others and look at themselves???

in this whole wide world, who will stop and look?? look on something that pass by... look on what they had just missed??? what that had just walk into their life...

everything and anything could be said...but could those everything and anything be done???

i dont know...and i wouldnt want to know~~

Monday, November 7, 2011

G.O.N.E

recently the amount of my family members decrease by one again... 4 years ago, i for the first time, really feel the loss of a family members (is the time when my granddad pass away, i am still young to know what it means by going away forever..although i remember the scene vividly but the feeling at that time,it is just like another normal day) who is my granny, now going thru again, everything is just like deja wu..

one of them said at one night, our family members goes down one again..when they gone, they gone forever.. no way where their face can be shown in the pictures anymore..no way we can hear their voices again~

that day i was in Sungai Petani when my mum called me...shaking, i answered the call.. "your aunty passed away already" ... shocked!! i know i supposed to get ready when i answered the call..i was hoping for another thing..just anything..or even wrong person..i am just shocked and surprised...just a fade answer "really? when??" i dont know what else should i say...it happen the same damn thing again... the time when my granny passed away, i received it thru call also!!! they say granny wants a cup of coffee..my mum volunteer to go and get it and i follow her... just a while, we received call that she passed away...

a while after when i finally sit down....i started to weep... she might be talking less to all of us....but then, the fact that ever since we stayed at the same apartment, she been a caring person, bringing food on friday knowing my mum doesnt cook on that day... the fact that i had been visiting her ever since she is sick, looking at her day by day deteriorating although i hate her children who is my cousin...it is still sad that she left the world... she was 50 something when she left the world...

they are right... when one person is gone, they gone forever..what is left in this world is nothing but memories of them... memories of their deeds... memories of their acts~

cherish them and dont be shy to say I LOVE YOU before it's too late... because once u are late in it, regrets will be there forever...

just like me..havent had the time to tell granny that i love her, she left...the fact that when she tries to tell me something about her belonging, i asked her not to think too much and get better faster..she continue to sleep..that day i sit beside her in the hosp... all day long and i didnt even say it to her... the next day, she left..and that when she left, even if i said it a thousand times, she wouldnt able to listen to it...i am sorry...i am sorry that i presented myself in a way u thought i wouldnt care..but then i actually care... and i care a lot... not only me, but we... we care a lot~

granny and aunty...rest in peace.. may your soul found the eternity happiness... =)
I LOVE YOU

Sunday, October 30, 2011

though forgotten

saw one of my own post... "phailed fans" .. a post i wrote for our baby dolphin, junsu's birthday last year...

i wrote it in a way who junsu is in the eye of tvxq members...in my own interpretation when i watch them from rising sun era~ =) well, what a normal cassiopeia will feel about them~ wonder what will i write this year.. =)

it seems like it is already 2 years ever since that heartbreaking news announced and till now there is no sign of collide or whatsoever... dont ask me how is the lawsuit, i definitely had no idea~ how is kpop for now, i could only say enjoy the music...for the industry is too dark for a normal eye vision to analyze ... oh well, it could be me who had gradually stop stalking all this kpop~ =)

anyway, while reading about my post on dong bang shin ki, ultimately still my top favourite group, am i still keeping that faith??? am i still hoping them to comeback??? who am i now? still a cassiopeia???

i am still a cassiopeia~ just not an active one.. *giggle*

hoping them to comeback...how should i say it..i am still keeping my faith that 5 of them are coming back, keeping my belief that they are still friends and that everything happen it's because of money~ well, money is root of all evil right?? =)

it's just that for now, if they are happy with the way they are, i will support them as who they are... tvxq or jyj... they are still my beloved oppa~ =)

but then...if they could comeback then it would be the best~ =)

i still miss them~ i still rewatch all the funny clips of theirs...it's getting lesser in youtube~ good thing i had it in my external HD~ xD

cassiopeia~ i am still a cassiopeia with the red balloon... the promise i had made is still with me... i wish i could spam your twitter or anything but then i know a lot of fans will do the same thing..i will just wave the red balloon silently...=)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

SM Town LIVE in NEW YORK!!

whee!! it's SM TOWN LIVE IN NEW YORK~ =)

for most of people who dont get me....SM TOWN is a group of singers all under the BIG INFLUENTIAL company called the SM ENTERTAINMENT... =D

SM ENTERTAINMENT aka SM엔터테인먼트 , is definitely not the SADISM and MASOCHISM entertainment but STAR MUSEUM... there are people saying SM stands for SOO MAN which is the name of the founder LEE SOO MAN~ =)

SM ENTERTAINMENT for most of kpop-ers knew, is a house of most KPOP big names like H.O.T (disbanded - top idol band in the 90s - only KANGTA is left in SME), S.E.S (disbanded - top girl group in the 90s), SHINHWA (top idol band in the 90s - left sme), BoA, DONG BANG SHIN KI aka TVXQ (still here but then long story - their influence is still phenomenal!!!!! dont deny their power..=D ), THE GRACE (nowhere to be seen but is famous for a while back in 2005), SUPER JUNIOR , GIRLS GENERATION, SHINEE and F(X)

so yeah, they are called the SM TOWN... if im nt mistaken they are the 1st to group all their artist to release albums and also holding concert...and now the first to hold concert in all over the world... =D let's not be in the state of denial and agree mr LEE is a great leader..great businessman ~ =D

anyway, they recently (just like 2 days ago??), held their concert in NEW YORK... can u believe it?? it's full!!!!!!!! FULL!!!!! im proud of this family...
they are a group of talented, hardworking and good looking artist...=) but well, most of the time their talents are critics by others mainly because haters hate the fact they are good looking and they can sing and also ... mainly because they are from SME which is so big and great in management, some butthurt fans just couldnt take the fact their oppa, unnie or dongsaeng is not up to par~ =D

life are full of jealousy~ xD

anyway here is the video upload by SM TOWN youtube~ let's just enjoy the show~














i have no idea why there is no KANGTA and also CSJH since dana and sunday had a comeback~ =.= if there is, i shall comeback with it~

Friday, October 14, 2011

vent

i am upset...i seriously do~~

to as why???


=_____________________________=

Thursday, October 13, 2011

insanity,of mercy or of harshness

i said i am coming back for a post on the current posting i am posted to which is psychiatric... =) i think most us knew what it means by psychiatric.. all this while, well at least me, had been having a distance or a gap towards people i label as insane~

wandering around, living in the world created by their own and to continue living in delusional state...lost of human primary function and lost of touch with the reality world..i had seen them and believe me, instead of i thought i would laugh at them for what they did, i actually found myself pity them...of course i am scared of them, there is a NO way i would stand alone in the ward or to let myself alone with those people..call me anything u like but then, u would never knew what they could do next...and top of it, there is , well i admit, there is a invisible wall separating me and them~ i am sorry for making myself a gap with people i called patient, but then, well, i am just basically...SCARED~ =)

i was in the car with my mum and we pass by the hospital well known of keeping psychiatric patient...my mum was saying, the god loves them so much that HE free them from the worries of the world and live in eternal happy...

my question is...is it the mercy from HIM or harshness from HIM as a result of karma??

i seen most of the patient....they indeed live in their own world, living in their-self-imaginary world... u can say they are living in eternal happiness, to forgot about the trouble human encounter all day long, the worrisome life and troublesome people and sadness of an events...

if i could choose to live in the world of insanity or in the world of sane, one with eternal happiness or the other with all taste of life u could ever imagine (to go way down low and to climb all the way up).....


i would choose to live in the world of sane...

life maybe full of ups and downs, and to certain people, it might have more down than up, so much of down that they probably forgot what it be like to be up...but doesnt this makes what we call LIFE?? the reason we had been going thru each day is to built this beautiful memories even with the down because without sadness, what are happiness right??? anyway, i told my mum, yes, it's nice that we dont have memory of the sadness and not going thru the torture of life, but then if one to be turn insane, they themselves forgot the happy moment of their life..basically their memories on themselves reduce to Z-E-R-O!!! i rather keep all the sadness in my memories and at one point of my life, i maybe passing by the place and recollects what had happen...

passing by the tree and said to probably my grandchild "ur granny fall down and hurt her butt before here"
passing by the school and said "aww, miss lim scolded me for not passing up my homework"

u know, it would be sad thing during that time but when collecting it after 10 years, it becomes something that u can really smile at and just by recalling, it makes u happy...believe me, try to recall something in your childhood to your friend and of course a bad experience to you at that time of event... =D

it would be sucks that time but gradually as time passes, it becomes something beautiful in your mind... =) mum may not notice it but everytime she recalls her hard teenage years, she actually say it with a smile...i know because i notice the graceful smile when she talks about it~ =)

the reason why people say TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS....

it's so true~ =D

beside this, the person to suffer with people like this, it would be none other than the family members... =(
some even dump their own family member in the ward, some were left alone....how it feels like when your family abandon you~ i dont know how it feels like and i never will...it's way to scary even just by imagining it~ i wonder if they even knew their own feeling???

is it really that the god had mercy on them??? or it's just merely a punishment ???
what do you think??? would u rather to gain eternal bliss or to continue living with the devils?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

anyeong~

haha.. how long since i last update here.. hmmm, seems like it been 2 weeks??? or a month??? =D

anyway, i wanted to write something for the posting i had been in recently - psychiatric... but then as i was browsing around my blog, it seems like there is wayyyyyy too little or should i say negligible post on myself??? =) probably a good sign, probably not... hahahaha!!

having said that, well this post is dedicated...... TO MYSELF!! woohoot~ =) well im not going to post the "about me" corner... xD not going to grumble over something bad as well... i learn to appreciate what i had u know...after watching some certain people who i feel are unlucky compare to myself~ =)

oh....i tried to diet~ =D i wonder if it works out...because i feel that i am still FAT!!!!!! T_T i wonder how or when only my weight will drop another 5kg~~ oh god, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! T.T okay, shut the damn crap...

i supposed to do more exercise rather than sitting down and looking at this pretty laptop~ =) sooner or later i will be like my own wallpaper... MR FOREVER BEAR!!


i danced tonight.. right after class, i started dancing till well 7pm?? okay, i am definitely exaggerating the time span..i only dance like...1 hour???? but the amount of hair drop on the floor and the sweat running down is a NO joke~ =D and well i am happy for the sweat but hating the part where i had to pick up my dear hair.. "please dont drop so much when i swing myself??" xD

as for dinner, lately i dont really had dinner... i had fruits as dinner!!! is it healthy?? my mum claimed it was unhealthy~ really??? o_O well to all, diet-ing is hard and torturing... why da hell do i plan to diet anyway~ sulk!!! T.T








!!!!!
i will write a post later on~ =) had to finish at least one set of notes~ xD
and i need to either buy/photostate BOOKS or....i couldnt study in peace~ T.T

Friday, September 9, 2011

SOMEDAY

recently i am so addicted to the new song released by U-KISS, a short name of Ubiquitous Korean International Super Star aka 유키스 ...

the group recently release their 2nd album (after changing 2 members), NEVERLAND .. great song, no doubt but there is one particular song that caught my attention..and surprisingly it is not their main song (just like when B2ST released FICTION & FACT, the song that grab the attention is ON RAINY DAYS)..

the song that caught me is SOMEDAY.. i just love the harmonization in the song and the meaning...it's awesome!!! ^^ anyway here is the song for you guys to judge it~ =)



the lyrics :
#Romanization:
Ttaeron hit ttaeron miss geureon geoji mwo
Naeireun an teullimyeon dwae gojak silsuil ppuninde

Ttaeron mit, ttaeron wi, ttaeron Number 1
Mwo ildeung hae bwatja naeryeogal gilbakke eobseul ppuninde

Eobseumyeon geunyang eomneundaero saneun geoji mwo
Gajigi jeonen mollatdeon yoksimdeuril ppuninde oh (o)

Jigeum neo himdeuldaneun geon got noryeokhaetdan jeunggeoil ppuniya
Everybody knows you tried Everybody knows it's alright

You get some right, you get some wrong
Jogeum himdeureodo utneun nari olkkeoya
When you fall down, when you get up
Jogeum himdeureodo utneun nari wa, gyeolguk utneun nari olkkeoya

Ibyeoriramyeon geunyang geunyeol noha jwo
Geojitdoen nunmul boyeodo inyeoni anigetji mwo

Tteonal sarameun tteonaganeun geoji mwo
Geurae geu yeope isseobwatja eonjengan geuraetgetji oh

Jigeum neo himdeuldaneun geon
Got saranghaetdan jeunggeoil ppuniya
Everybody knows you tried Everybody knows it's alright

You get some right, you get some wrong
Jogeum himdeureodo utneun nari olkkeoya
When you fall down, when you get up
Jogeum himdeureodo utneun nari wa, gyeolguk utneun nari olkkeoya

The past is the past is the past
Jinan gieogeun ije geuman It's the past
Oraen sigandongan maeil apeugiman haetdeon
The Past is the past is the past
Neoreul itge han naldeurin geor~

Everybody wins sometimes
Everybody knows you lose some

You get some right, you get some wrong
Jogeum himdeureodo utneun nari olkkeoya
When you fall down, when you get up
Jogeum himdeureodo utneun nari wa, gyeolguk utneun nari wa, gyeolguk utneun nari olkkeoya

-

#Translation:
Sometimes hit, sometimes miss, it’s always like that
Just do it right tomorrow, it’s just a small mistake

Sometimes bottom, sometimes top, sometimes number 1
Getting 1st place, you can only go down

Without it, just live without it
It’s just greed you have before you win it oh

Your suffering now is a sign of your hard work
Everybody knows you tried
Everybody knows it’s alright

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be days to smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring, there will be days to smile, eventually a day to smile will come
If it’s separation, just let her go
She might show lying tears, maybe it wasn’t destiny
People who have to go, just go
Sure being next to them it might happen oh
Being tired right now
It’s just evidence of your love
Everybody knows you tried Everybody knows it’s alright

You get some right, you get some wrong

Although tiring there will be days to smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring, there will be days to smile, eventually a day to smile will come
The past is the past is the past
Previous memories
It’s the past

The long painful days
The Past is the past is the past
The days to forget you~

Everybody wins sometimes
Everybody knows you lose some

You get some right, you get some wrong
Although tiring there will be days to smile
When you fall down, when you get up
Although tiring there will be days to smile,
Eventually a day to smile will come
Eventually a day to smile will come

--
credit: storyaboutagirl-chocolate

get your might ready and let's start sing along!! hahaha... =)
there is always a day to smile! ^^

did i did an introduction for U-KISS??? maybe you guys could check it here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U-KISS
they are so way underrated!!! they are no doubt talented singer, hardworking with great personality and with great face~ it's just amazing how they could be so underrated... do support them and their new album - NEVERLAND~



this song is way better than the STEP or whatsoever the name is by KARA... =)
support them and get the album from : http://www.yesasia.com/global/u-kiss-vol-2-neverland-poster-in-tube/1024883060-0-0-0-en/info.html
http://www.yesasia.com/global/u-kiss-vol-2-neverland/1024879425-0-0-0-en/info.html

U-KISS HWAITING!! ^^

Thursday, September 8, 2011

of keeping or of letting it go~

im back again in ermm...more than 12 hours less than 24 hours.. =)


another debate is on~ wee!! it's just a simple question to be started off... it's a debate of with no ending because at the end, it depends on what u think and i dont doubt any of your point...since i respect what decision you take like how i hope u will respect mine.. =)


its a debate open to all~ =)

the question is :

WILL YOU EVER ABORT IF YOU WERE SCREENED WITH A BABY OF CONGENITAL ABNORMALITY ??

a baby which require a life time attention and care?? will you choose to continue on with the task given by god or will you give up ??

i am a medical student...i have learn about this congenital abnormality..i have seen some of kids with this kind of illness...i asked myself, what if one day i was gifted by the god on this child, will i have the bravery and courage to take up the mission like the mother i had seen?? will i have the enough patient and love for the child with such condition...let me stress on my point, im not looking down on those child but i know how hard it is to raise such child and the confidence for myself, it is just so low that i know i will never handle such stress...

if you were to ask if i will let it go...my answer is : I WILL...




i read on some debate...the child is a gifts of god and it wasnt up to our rights to take away his chance of life...and well of course as his/her mother, i had no rights on taking away his/her rights to breath before he/she even had the chance to breath in...i could, i mean i could give up the life for the child... to care for the child, to love the child and to give everything and anything in this world to my baby~ i dont mind going tru anything and did just anything for him/her for they are the world to me~ a instinct of a mother..the love of a mother, one shouldnt doubt it .. (unless some weird jackass that doesnt deserved to be a parent...)

but then again, for how long will i care for the child, for how long can i care for the child?? for how long can i look after the child?? let's just if i had a life time of 80 years...and i had the baby at the age of 25, i could and i will care for him for 55 years..after that???? if *touchwood* i had to leave the world, who is there for him??? do i rely on others for a baby of my own??? will or should he follow me to the gate of hell???? who will be there caring for him??? and then again, can he care for himself?? i can have a lot a lot of money, but will he stand up for himself?? not that he will, can he??? can he stood up for himself, guard himself against all danger waiting outside?? once i close my eyes, can someone make sure that my baby is safe till the day god brings him with HIM?

can i rely on others to care for my baby?? it's just reality~ i know it hurts~ but again, it's reality... u can take care for him..u are the world to him..but if one day, you left, what will happen to the baby???will the world crash down on him??? im scared, so scared to imagine what will happen then...

apart from this, the suffer is not only on us...i dont mind having all the hurts including his...but this can never happen...
the parents are not the only one suffer...can he smile genuinely?? can he be happy for who he is???

let's face it...the society, no matter how much one group try to change, the view of society is so strong it could never change... those stereotypical thinking and look will never just disappear... the reality that sooner or later he has to face, the tease and laughter...can he really be happy?? even with the warmest hug from me, will he ever feel he belongs to the world?? being different from normal, those feeling is hard to for one to understand..can he be strong enough to face the world???

i dont know and i never had the courage to know..if my baby had the strong will, a strong personality to face the future awaiting for him...
i being a small human in this big world had no strength and courage to take up the big noble mission from the god...

i rather be called cruel murderer then be...giving birth to a baby who i know will have a rough life in front of him~ giving birth to a baby who i know wouldnt really happy for his life...and probably blaming me for what he had to face later on in his life~

i rather him to be happy somewhere else~~


so... how about you??


p/s : anyway, in MALAYSIA it is illegal to abort a child unless the child is dead in-utero (under natural causes) and also it posses threat to maternal life...apart from this 2 reason, it is illegal to abort a child~

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

bump

will u cry if u watch a touching movie or read a touching article?? did you ever let your tears roll down for all to see all the time???

we were talking about a video..a touching video sin woi show me last night after yeeling and shu huey birthday celebration at raja uda.. YES! YES YES!!! we drove all our way from SUNGAI PETANI right to RAJA UDA for a dinner and chat and play and went back to SUNGAI PETANI at 12am~ =D crazy bunch of kids..wait, crazy bunch of medical student~ =)

anyway after the dinner, sin woi show me a video of marriage proposal...what is it all about i think u guys should watch it to judge it~ for me personally, i think it is soo heart warming..it does touched me to a point i actually cried...but well, like he say, each person had differ threshold so yeah,watch it to judge it:



okay back...on the way back to my hometown after the external meeting and a day fooled by AIMST, this story are brought up...and the fact that i cried because of this are also well, brought up~ i admit, i had low threshold.. but hey who wont cry over this video:



he said, it's because of you never fall before... and thus my topic start..=)

how will u define fall down?? and i dont literally mean falling down and hurt yourself..wat i meant here is hurting yourself in a way it affect you psychologically..something that hurt u in the way that it may affect u for life..not just a little scar found on your hand or leg or well, maybe butt...but yeah, that kind of fall...

the problem is that, he say i never fall before...how much can u see if one person is having those bumps in ones life???? i probably had a big bump that changes me but does that mean i had to show to the world that i have grow an inch taller because of the bump that makes my head swollen an inch higher...

i said before..it depends on what a person think about the situation..if his mind is saying YES I HAD FALL DOWN AND I FALL SO HARD I COULDNT EVEN STAND UP, then the man has fallen~ but if the mind were saying IT'S OKAY, IT'S ALRIGHT, IT WASNT SO BAD LIKE I THOUGHT AND THERE IS ALWAYS NEXT TIME, then well, he didnt fall so bad...what happen at the end of the day is how we see it...

if fighting with your BFF is so bad for someone, in which it happen to me, it doesnt give u a valid reason on building up a big wall separating yourself or being over sensitive in everything happen around you...and that includes JOKES...i been thru that and i think it is pretty worst type one could ever face...but then did that makes me someone ingoing?? did that make me someone depressed??? being nihilistic???

answer is NO..yes im being over happy, jolly and yes i did mumble on being bad being sad and being isolated...but what im saying is that, in the end of the day (i am quoting the external examiner..haha! i borrow ur quote!) wat makes the day, if it is bad, if is good or it being excellent or u just wanna die from what had happen, is how our brain think..happiness isnt all about the incident but what our mind think...what our mind conceive, what our mind think is what we see, what we heard, what we smell and wat we eat....i know it's completely opposite from wat we were taught (what we see, what we hear and what we say is what the mind conceived) ...

if we were taught from the very beginning that red is always blue and all colors are white, we are going to see red is actually blue...and colors are actually white ... if we were taught that dogs are called cats and vice versa, what we see as dog today will be called cat...

everything is in our almighty brain....what we think made our day... let it be sad or happy, it co-exists... we dont simply stop sad completely because it hurts.. because sad is what makes happy...what is happiness when u dont taste sadness...=)

so yeah, how do u know if i never had those little bumps throughout my life??? how you know i never had a bad day??? it just how my brain see the situation~ =)

and oh, congrats to all my housemates for passing thru year 3...see ya' in year 4...xD




p/s: if that video is too long to watch, this is the most critical moment : (and the moment that makes me cry..)


if this world ever had this guy for me..oh well, there will be !!! =) i believe~

Thursday, July 28, 2011

beautiful~

the world is beautiful isnt it..=) i am actually listening to Eminem Beautiful.. =) i love the meaning of the song..let me paste the phrase i like:

i guess we have to walk a mile
in each others shoes at least
what size you wear? i wear 10's
let's see if u can fit ur feet

in my shoes, just to see
what it's like to be me
i'll be you, let's trade shoes
just to see what it'd be like

to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside each others minds
just to see what we'd find
look at shit through each others eyes


~~
truly agree with the phrase..how many of us actually put ourself in others shoe?? to know only pointing fingers to other..blame others whenever a shit happen in our life...when we are grumbling and whining about how freak our life is, i wonder will we thought about how bad the life of others might be?? im nt pointing it to anyone..i did it myself~ i am a grumpy~ i admit it..

it's just a thought~ what will it be to be the other person..to think like them, to live like them..to actually go deep into them and see what their eyes perceived.. i wonder what will others feel when they wore my shoe~

am i really spoilt like what they say?? am i really the easy go lucky person?? am i really happy like i show?? am i really a person u know?? vice versa..if i were to wore your shoe, i might find out what a person you are before commenting on anything...

human races are way too wide....different people pose different thinking, different concept and had raise up in different way..walking down the streets, i wonder will i able to find one who think like me, act like me and behave like me??? i doubt that~ =)

~~
why am i writing about that?? =) just a second thought..hahah~
oh i think i know why...it's because swee yen post a link about a true heartwarming (well, for me sound more like heart burning!!) story about a mummy bear kill her baby before committing suicide in the bear bile farming...my tears just roll down like nobody business...blurred vision, red face and teary eyes...i sound like i am having some anaphylatic reaction.. =D

i just put myself into the mummy bear shoe..how much pain and despair she is to actually did that...even a bear could do that...how many people can actually take up the courage to do it...the pain she been standing against..the courage and decision she took so that the child could be spared from the eternal pain of the cruelty in world of humanity...i just cant stand for a minute if i were her...

my hats off to the mummy bear...u are truly a heroine ..

ps : those fucked human should just be killed in the same fucking way they caused ur death~ what the fuck is bear bile?? chinese medicine is freaking weird!! i am a chinese and i ALWAYS hate when i heard those people eating weird stuff...bear pawn? shark fin? what the fuck?!!

~~
enough for today i guess...having a bad day though~ oh SNAP!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

world within

do you guys believe that in every person mind, there is always a hidden world, a world that hardly had the chance to surface, the reality, the truth that everyone wish to keep it hidden forever...bringing it to the grave

far from civilization....far from humanity~ some choose to forget about it..some didnt even know the hidden world of themselves..what i meant by the latter??

i believe i am the latter one...never knew or probably i do, just that i never realized that i had it~~ i do..i seriously do think about it... what kind of person i am?? am i someone worth to be called friends by some other... why on earth do i had such a thinking...funny me~ xD

yeah, i can even type the smiley emoticon.. crazy much~ =)

am i a friend to a friend..or i am just a bypasser?? the people who walk pass other life..a person who never leave any footprint in one life...probably i am just a bypasser to many people i claim to be friend....

maybe it is me...well, if one person are acting that way, it could be the problem of that person, bt then my high school friends?? all of them??? it should be mine...i type could just now, bt yeah, it should be the word SHOULD~ =) afterall, it's not 1 but 4..

at times me looking at how they could joke and hang out together, i admit, i do butthurt.. initially i really angry about it...what is that?? did you guys just went out without inviting me??? what is this all about?? and u guys wrote gathering...without me~~ and i though 5 of us really close in high school... i question myself day by day...and slowly, the unattended question slowly turn into a mystery~ the anger i had were slowly off~~ and slowly i put the blame on myself..

well, like i said, if 4 of them are having the same thought, i would be the problematic one...even if they thought i wasnt part of their world, i belongs to a world far from them...

i really wanna know what kind of person i am...i really wish someone sincerely told me...am i a friend worth to be call a friend....i hate the fact that all my friends are just merely a friend...honestly, lately one of a friend i care had just...idk..went missing??? where are the 3 people i always talk to?? 4 of us who chat happily all the time...it just vanish~~

my dad once say, in your life, u will go into different space, different step, and in this every step u met different kind of people and eventually the people u met in the previous space, it will remain in ur memory...even if they were out of your sight, they remain in your memories as people u had met before, people u share memories with...

but

is it real that a friendship couldnt go thru the different space, different step together?? even if it meant less face to face talk, less conversation,friend never meant to be let off~~that is at least what im thinking of~~

maybe to the last day of me in the earth, i shall ask the grim reaper..do tell me, which tears in funeral day, is the true genuine tears...tears without color, not the black tears neither the red tears...if tears represent the true feeling of one,

what is the color of tears that is rolling down my face now...will i able to receive the true tears?? or i will never receive one~

Friday, June 10, 2011

i just dont get it~

i just dont get it get it~ we just dont get it get it~ T.T

yeah, i dont get it~ i dont get lots of stuff...probably is just my brain wasnt functioning well recently..or mainly because im stupid..oh yea, did i ever mention i went to Langkawi on Monday?? okay, i dont..well well, it's kinda rush and tired bt nonetheless, it is fun~

hanging out with friends is always fun although at the end of the day, u still dont know how the hell we pass those time... =D although i went Langkawi before bt yeah, going up the 700m cable car is definitely the first time~ =D i cant even remember the route to the ferry...i was on plane all the time.. =D what to do, my mum n my sister had ship sickness~ =D

700m above sea level, i must be crazy to go up there...probably nt crazy for normal people bt for me, who had height phobia, i almost faint!!! okay, i didnt bt still...those palpitation spell..i dont want to feel it again~

apart from that, other stuff, i had well, seen it before~ =D ntg much though....there is quite a number of stuff my friend didnt actually went...bt then, it's still an experience...well, it just 2 days..what can we do for the 2days~ =D maybe next time~ =)

bt the next time, i wanna go BALI~ maybe! ^^ or KOREA...whatever~ i will write something bout langkawi..if i had the mood...for now~


yeah!! i just dont get it get it... KIM HYUNJOONG, leader of ss501, had make their solo debut with Break Down.. =) bt instead of break down, i shall post on Please aka JEBAL~ =D i like that song though~ =)





LYRICS :

Hey Yeah
술에 취해서 I cried
너의 집 앞에서 너를 기다려
불이 꺼진 집으로 들어가는
그와 너를 보고 숨이 막혔어
눈을 맞추고 입을 맞추고
그를 안고 잠이 들
네가 너무 미워서
입술 깨물고 눈물 삼키고
정신 나간 사람처럼 서 있어

난 오직 너라고
영원히 너라고
터져버린 눈물에 주저앉아 불러
널 불러

I just don't get it, get it,
Why don't you get it, get it,
제발 너 그 사람 보며 웃지 마
제발 너 그 사람 입 맞추지 마
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

눈을 감으면 Baby
아직도 네가 곁에 있는 것 같아
네 숨결이 네 사랑이 내 안에서
도망가지 못하게 붙잡고 있을래
비가 내려서 모두 씻겨서 이별한
그 기억들을 사라지게 하고 싶어
어둠 속으로 더 먼 곳으로
내 아픈 눈물들을 데려가 줘

난 오직 너라고
영원히 너라고
터져버린 눈물에
주저앉아 불러
널 불러

I just don't get it, get it,
Why don't you get it, get it,
제발 너 그 사람 보며 웃지 마
제발 너 그 사람 입 맞추지 마
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

퍼지는 담배 연기 사이로
너를 흩어지게 해도
하얗게 네가 더욱 깊게 새겨져
너를 못 잊어

Oh Girl

다시 내게로 와
미칠 듯 소리쳐 너만을 사랑해
너를 보낸 잘못에
후회하며 빌어
난 빌어

I just don't get it, get it,
Why can't you get it, get it,
제발 너 그 사람 품에 안지 마
제발 너 그 사람 사랑하지 마
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

Oh Baby, I need you
You took my love
and killed it girl
You took my love
You took my love
and killed it girl
You took my love
and killed it girl
이러지마
You took my love
and killed it girl
Why my heart cries
Oh Girl, (It's) like you killed me
You took my love
and killed it girl
Baby you killed it

제발 날 떠나가지 마

Hey Yeah
Sule chwihaeseo I cried
Neoui jib apeseo neoreul gidaryeo
Buli ggeojin jibeuro deuleokaneun
Geuwa neoreul bogo sumi makhyeosseo
Nuneul matchugo ipeul matchugo
Geureul ango jamideul
Nega neomu miweoseo
Ipsul ggaemulgo nunmul samkigo
Jangshin nagan saramcheoreom seo isseo

Nan ojik neorago
Yeongweonhi neorago
Teojyeobeorin nunmure jujeoanja bulreo
Neol bulreo

I just don't get it, get it,
Why don't you get it, get it,
Jebal neo geu saram bomyeo utjima
Jebal neo geu saram ip matchujima
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

nuneul kameumyeon Baby
ajikdo nega gyeote ittneun geot gata
ne sumkyeori ne sarangi nae aneseo
domangjaji mothage butjabgo isseulrae
biga naeryeoseo modu ssitgyeoseo ibyeolhan
geu giokdeureul sarajige hago shipeo
eodum sokeuro deo meon goseuro
nae apeun nunmuldeureul deryeoga jweo

Nan ojik neorago
Yeongweonhi neorago
Teojyeobeorin nunmure
jujeoanja bulreo
Neol bulreo

I just don't get it, get it,
Why don't you get it, get it,
Jebal neo geu saram bomyeo utjima
Jebal neo geu saram ip matchujima
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

peojineun dambae yeongin sairo
neoreul heuteojige haedo
hayahge nega deo-uk gipge saegyeojyeo
neoreul mot ijeo

Oh Girl

Dashi naegero wa
Michil deut sorichyeo neomaneul saranghae
Neoreul bonaen jalmote
Huhwihamyeo bireo
Nan bireo

I just don't get it, get it,
Why can't you get it, get it,
Jebal neo geu saram pume anjima
Jebal neo geu saram saranghajima
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

Oh Baby, I need you
You took my love
and killed it girl
You took my love
You took my love
and killed it girl
You took my love
and killed it girl
ireojima
You took my love
and killed it girl
Why my heart cries
Oh Girl, (It's) like you killed me
You took my love
and killed it girl
Baby you killed it

Jebal nal ddeonakajima

Hey Yeah
I was intoxicated so I cried
I waited for you in front of your house
With the light off, I entered the house
I saw you and him and I choked on my breath
Eyes were fixed and you kissed
You embraced him and fell asleep

I really hate you
I bite my lips and swallow my tears
I stood there like a crazy person

To me, it’s still only you
Forever, it’s you
With bursting tears as I collapse, I call out,
I call out for you

I just don't get it, get it,
Why don't you get it, get it,
Please, if you look at him, don’t smile
Please don’t kiss him
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

When I close my eyes, Baby
I think I’m still at your side
Your breath, your love are inside me
I tightly hold you so you can’t escape
Because it rains, the separation is all washed away
I want those memories to disappear
Into the darkness, into a further place,
Take away my painful tears

To me, it’s still only you
Forever, it’s you
With bursting tears,
As I collapse, I call out,
I call out for you

I just don't get it, get it,
Why don't you get it, get it,
Please, if you look at him, don’t smile
Please don’t kiss him
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer


Between the spreading tobacco smoke
You disperse
You become more deeply etched in white
I can’t forget you

Oh Girl

Come back to me
Shouting like crazy, I love only you
It was wrong to let go of you
Regretfully, I beg
I beg

I just don't get it, get it,
Why can't you get it, get it,
Please, don’t embrace in his arms
Please don’t love him
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar,
and a killer

Oh Baby, I need you
You took my love
and killed it girl
You took my love
You took my love
and killed it girl
You took my love
and killed it girl

Don’t do it this way
You took my love
and killed it girl
Why my heart cries
Oh Girl, (It's) like you killed me
You took my love
and killed it girl
Baby you killed it

Please don’t leave me

credit : http://ssangcho.blogspot.com/2011/05/lyrics-romanization-translation-kim.html

=D

enjoy

Saturday, June 4, 2011

rewrite~

write then delete...then write and delete again...and it goes round and round~
a whole list of drafts...the unspoken feeling, the darkness of truth...shall remind silent forever in the folder that could never surface~~ =)



"right now im writing a story in happy thoughts, but it's all just a wish...still..."

credit : Junhyung in Fiction MV

Friday, June 3, 2011

the brand new world

welcoming the new me~ =D

wish me best of luck~ =)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Fiction & Fact~

yes!!! BEAST COMEBACK!!! =)P and they are coming back even bigger~ loving the title song..seriously, Fiction is good, nt that i am biased (since im a b2uty) but then, the song is full of feel and the dance is just amazing and the vocal is just superb..okay, did i just making it sound so superb amazingly perfect?? =)P

just judge it yourself :



isnt it great?? i mean, the chorus especially..nt to mention junhyung in the mv is so smexy~ (Although i still feel vin diessel is even more semxy)..okay, junhyung is hot~ =) i love how they display their feeling..doojoon is still the best though~ =) yoseob reminds me of junsu somehow..i dont know why... junhyung reminds me of yoochun because of that hair.. =)P

anyway, Fiction is indeed a good song...kpop lately seems to be lacking of such song..and well from the overflowing of kpop girls (which some i found useless), such song really could save kpop a little~ =)

oh here check this link for more of Beast Fiction and Fact...it's from allkpop though~
http://www.allkpop.com/2011/05/b2st-unleashes-%E2%80%9Cfiction-and-fact%E2%80%9D

anyway, i lovee freeze..junhyung did a great job~ =)P

cant wait for the comeback stage!! =) BEAST HWAITING!!!!