run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
you´ve been the only thing that´s right
In all I´ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

--------------

all i can say is this song is a love~

together ♥

♥♥

ever noticed the forever friend teddy i been using as my background?? i used forever friend teddy everywhere.. in my twitter, here in blog, previously as cover picture in my facebook and.. my desktop ..

i always like forever friend teddy~ because of the name, of course because the adorable, hugable and cuteness overload teddy, but because of the name, forever friend..

i know i had been talking about friends and how i had to cope up with people around me.. for the past few weeks, or probably months, i had been in constant on and off depression to an extent, i think i could diagnosed myself either cyclothymia or probably moderate depression syndrome.. or probably bipolar type 2 syndrome..

till today.. i had an outing with my girls, my girls that make me all laid back and happy..

it could be just a simple outing, with movie (we watched SAFE (2012)) and then shop around (and i met my junior after so many years.. hahaha, she still recognised me, what a surprise...) and then dinner and supper and story telling time.. ^^

it could be just a simple girls outing.. but the laughter in it is so loud that it could shakes the place up.. and liling brought her little baby and it brightens the whole place even more.. it is hot there, but nobody mind fanning the little princess with the recipe book.. when she cries, 4-5 girls got freaked out and the noise from them is even louder than the cries from the little girl.. =)

it is just as simple as that.. we were there talking all sort of nonsense, nothing informative.. probably talking bout haunted school and what they did, what they been kaypo-ing on, or about the scary no-hand crawling on the floor old lady in the uni, or about pregnancy... or maybe some few random crazy selca... ♥♥

but for today, i had my mind chilled.. i had my mind stop thinking, did i said something wrong, did i did something wrong, am i wrong for doing this, what are those people thinking, why are they unhappy, what are they unhappy at, what sentence should i say ...

i laugh so loud, i could say "you are an idiot!!" without any drawback, without thinking that i could hurt someone with that sentence..

i didnt say that back in there, i couldnt do the same thing.. i still laugh very loud, i still jokes around... is just at times, to certain people, i had to restrain myself..
and it is not as free... as back here with this grp of insane engineers.. =)

maybe stress is taking a troll in me... stress i faced there, i could be unconsciously draining the blame to people around me...
i should start de-stress myself, take up some stress management class... =)

but for now, let me take an opportunity to say.. THANK YOU GIRLS.. AND I ♥ YOU!! ^^

baby lizy..

傻瓜

title translated as : stupid

instead of starting a prologue-kind-of-introduction-before-going-into-the-real-question, today i am going straight to the question.. =) i had stated about life, friends and other stuff-that-i-had-forgotten-what-the-earth-is-it.. =)

so today let's go to the topic LOVE.. ^^

what is love?? what is the definition of love??

some people had love as their everything in life, even more than their life... some had it so insignificant in their life, putting it last in their priority list...
just like life, everyone had their own definition of love .. but what is the common definition of love??

no matter how would one define it, how someone placed it, how they see it, how they used it.... love is something one couldnt but must have it in their life.. to have it excessively, or to have it just enough to be loved and to love, or to have it so little... everyone had this little love potion in them.. everyone has it.. our love not to our own lover, but love to parent, love to siblings, love to friends, love to animals and love to other sapiens..

let us make the title simple..instead of putting it so wide to almost everyone and everything in this world, let us make it simple... to the one we love.. =)

love is always a magical feeling that brings 2 persons' heart into same alignment at right time, right place with the perfect right feeling ...
love is also the destroyer feeling that tore 2 persons' heart into 2 different alignment at the wrong time, wrong place with the perfectly wrong freaking feeling ...

it could be varies from one extremeties to another... it makes people feel so doubtful yet so determined.. so depressed yet so blissful...
it turns one person from who they are to who they wanted the opposite wants them to be... it turns one sane person into insanity...
it is so powerful that love could turn into hatred and destroyed both...

have any of you ever feel like to really take up the courage and say YES I WANT TO BE WITH YOU... I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU...
u know what, i never had the courage to say any of that....

to starts off a relationship it is hard but i still think to maintain a relationship is even harder.. this is the time where friction, fights and everything comes into your way.. and how strong is the love will be put on test... it was also the time where one would think, i love him but are we supposed to be together? are we fated to be together?? OR i am sorry but i dont love you anymore.. you deserved a better person ...

if this question were to emerge soon, why they agreed to be together at the first place?? what then makes the words "you are mine forever" "i love you and till death separates both of us" "for you, everything is easy" ... what makes the initial feeling gone?? the lack of determination to continue on?? the lack of understanding??

have any of us thought of marriage vows : I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

i watched the drama THE HIPPOCRATIC CRUSH.. kenneth ma said this :

"Marriage vows...if just read out according to convention, there's no meaning...When young, beautiful and healthy, so certainly love. However, when the other gradually ages, old and defeated, has more and more illnesses, and even watching the other die of old age...so, no longer love then? Since, in the future, will not abandon each other...now should be the same. If just because the other has an illness and not love, then it's not true love. [No one knows one's life span.] Even we, as doctors, cannot guarantee that we'll live to a hundred. Thus, there is no guarantee of growing old together in marriage vows, but must guarantee that, whether in sickness or in health, must be together"

it's true.. u dont say about eternity for one had no guarantee in eternity... everyone who said this line with their other half should have knew why instead of making it short and simple with the word eternity, to be with you for the eternity... why is the vow written it into, to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health... because this is the times, where love are put onto a test....


someone asked me before... why?
why am i so scared to be in love... is it that you had put ur target so high ??
i asked myself before.. am i?? am i putting it so high ?? or am i guarding my heart, my feeling so strong that i walled it high and not letting anyone to step in...

i thought for a second... i choose the latter one... i guard myself too well.. to be over protective of myself...
protect myself from this.. i knew i am being way to realistic.. to protective that i had no-one to had a slightest chance to put me into a dilemma..

i am too coward.. coward to be in love... or too self-protective..

i should open up a little...

please dont give up on me.. =)


so yeah...

a bitter day

have u heard quotes about smile?? how a smile could change a person and a day of another person?
how strong a smile could give? how beautiful a smile could be??

did anyone mention to you that if u were to smile with full gratitude, to smile with the most sincerity u had, u had the best life? and that it brightens up people around you?? how powerful it could be and that it melts just any ice??

some examples of quotes by the big names ... on smile~

1. Peace begins with smile - Mother Teresa
2. "And then he gives a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me" - katniss everdeen , Hunger Game
3. Let us make one point that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. smile at each other, make time for each other in your family - Mother Teresa
4. if you cant find the right words for certain situations just give a smile. words have the potential to confuse but a smile convinces.
5. your smile looks adorable on you! you should wear it more often.

i smiled.. i smiled every day.. waking up in the morning, smiling my heart out, being a cheerful girl i always am...
but the smile portion just dont work.. it didnt work.. it never work...

how could it not work on me?? is it really not working?? am i really a failure in life??
i did something wrong in my daily life?? this never stops, and being continuous all day and every day... i am so sick about it..

why is it me who had to cope with everyone emotion and not just someone to cope with mine??
am i being the one coping for so long, that i had become a no-emotion sapiens??

i am tired... i really do...
i am tired to be someone's doll... i am tired to be everyone moderator..
i am tired to cope with everyone stress and emotion..

dont blame me for not being understanding.. i had my own level of stress... i had my own problems that are unspoken of...
why am i had to understand your stress and keep up with the tantrum ??

i had enough that i smile early in the morning and everyone had a poker face to show....
i had enough of smiling... it just doesnt work that way... it doesnt...

it's okay, it's alright

i tried..i really tried to forget everything... but the more i forget and gave in till when everything bounce back, the more it hurts...it really does... but then, nobody knew how it kills me slowly~



I give you an inch and you take a mile
You make mistakes that erase when you smile
Im starting to feel like it aint alright
How can you care if I dont cross your mind
Cause I
Say I wanna talk but you just push me away
Tell me your leaving when I want you to stay
I never thought that loving you would hurt me this way
But Im the only one to blame
Cause Im always saying

Its ok, it's alright
I put the pain away and let it slide
I forgive and forget it
And then you promise me I wont regret it
But I do, it's not right
Because I turn around and let it slide
And im crazy for thinking
That someday you'll change things when you keep on crossin' the line

Something about you won't let me go
Maybe hes better being alone
I, keep saying im gonna move on
But it's so hard when your all that I know
But I, Say I wanna talk but you just push me away
Tell me your leaving when I want you to stay
Never thought that loving you would hurt me this way
But Im the only one to blame
Cause im always saying

It's ok, it's alright
I put the pain away and let it slide
I forgive and forget it
And then you promise me I wont regret it
But I do
It's not right because I turn around and let it slide
And Im crazy for thinking that someday you'll change things
When you keep on crossin' the line

Boy I wish I didnt give in so easily
Oh, I dont know what to do
Cause I keep on feeding the flame
When I should really be telling you we're through

Its ok, it's alright
I put the pain away and let it slide
I forgive and forget it
And then you promise me I wont regret it
But I do, it's not right
Because I turn around and let it slide
And im crazy for thinking
That someday you'll change things when you keep on crossin' the line











..............

L.I.F.E

what is LIFE?? how could one define life?? different people define life differently bt then no matter how differ we define that word, isnt what we are facing everyday are equally the same??
breating in the same air, taking up the same task and doing the same thing... we studied, we worked.. we earn and then to spend on anything that could define us as LIFE..

like others, we are facing the same risk of having arguments, getting sick, having job promotion and as well as death~ so why are we working so hard, moulding ourself to what we self-defined the world LIFE??

is this word particularly our goal of life?? is this word a guideline to what we are supposed to achieve in this life? is this word a reassurance to ourself??

i dont know how would i define this life... i always wanted a simple life but then again, to what extend?? is simple basically having a simple relaxed life with no worries?? or a simple life so simple that i live off as an ordinary people?? simple isnt it?? i always talked on simple life, simple way of living and simple mind but all this simple is actually a complexity itself.

now that i think of, what is the life i always wanted?? i wanted a cozy house, a house i called home...until one day, my mum asked me to pick a house to stay...and till then i realized, my simple life isnt that simple after all.. if i wouldnt taken up the complicated work, and live of an ordinary girl-next-door, that house that i picked wouldnt be in my dictionary at all..

and this makes me think again.. what define as my life.. what is the best definition of life?? some wants a life full of protection where they dont need to worry on stretching their money to the maximum, some say life is too short to be in pain where they enjoyed their life to the max and not worrying on future, some just work an ordinary 9-5 work and lives of an ordinary neighbour, some thinks all he could and earn as much as he could and save all the money and happily looking at the increase 0 in his bank account...

so what exactly is life ??? Buddha says to born to the world, to see the world, to get ill and to leave the world... that is a cycle of life...

but in that process, before the end of everything..what could a life be?? shakespeare says life is like a stage, we are the actors and actresses .. when the play goes off, the curtains come down, we get down from the stage.. some get off earlier..some get up on the middle of the play..

it's true.. when i look back on the old video of a deceased person just like whitney houston, it feels like she is still here... how she grew old, how she change from a person to another, her life just like the drama, played thru the screen..

the definition of life is too broad for us to specific it down... everyone has their own way of defining their life.. question is, can we interrupt and change it??
and another question... is knowing when we are leaving the world, a good thing or a bad thing???

if you were to know that u could live up to 80 years old and died peacefully, how would u make use of the 60 years of life??
if you were to know that tomorrow is the day you would leave for eternity, how would u spent the 24 hours that is left??

my own definition of living a simple life is now shaky...im in doubt if i could still dream of living a simple life... because i knew, the life i had been dreaming about, isnt so easy and isnt so simple after all... and it needs scarifies as well as efforts... simple is indeed a complexity

a boring me! =)

it's a boring day where a boring girl sitting in front of a boring laptop and think of what to do in the next boring seconds...

hahahahahaha~ i am indeed boring.. to an extent, i wanted to spam my own facebook with my own self-absorbed picture.. a selca!!! i mean selcaSSS!!! =)

but then to think that it might be nuisance to my friends in facebook, i think i shall spam it here~ =)

im not trying to say i am pretty, or to be so proud of myself... i know i am not pretty...
and being confidence about my own look, isnt something in my dictionary~ =)

but then, a discussion from yesterday makes me realize it's okay that one is not beautiful, it's okay u are not pretty, it's okay u are not the hottest girl in the class neither the sexy chicks that everyone wants.. it doest matter if u had just an average look and a simple girl~

but as long as you yourself are proud of who u are, to be who u wants to be, and look just amazingly like yourself, and confidently walking down the road, people will notice that charm of yours~ =)

i should learn that conclusion... and well, being a girl next door, is a matter in fact, the hardest type of girl u can be~ =)

soulmate

i always felt that the relationship between 2 homosapiens is magical..

for 2 different person, of different world to come together and be friends, isnt it amazing to know how could both cope with each other??? some people had what we called social loveable and some who hardly get one to talk on..but then, i believe in our life, we will eventually had at least 1 person who we can open up our heart.. =)

i always believe it is not fate that makes one likeable or forever alone.. but it was how one acts toward another..
but then, what it takes for one to be socially acceptable?? am i using the right word??? i might look like a social butterfly to one, and anti-social to another.. if u knew me well, i am a social butterfly~ =D

anyway, what it takes to link 2 person of different DNA, of different behaviour and different opinions together??? i know some had a friend who have everything so similar to themselves and they call it soulmate.. but then soulmate could be of different people with different personality right..

~~~

i dont know bout' urs but here is what i think.. =) no hard feeling but it is always my own personal view.. xD

i believe that not a person in this world is perfect...personality wise or attitude wise.. im nt a person who is so saint or noble either... nobody in this world is so perfect in mentally, physically or socially unless u are self-declared god (that too, isnt perfect)..

for 2 person to come together and be friends, it is always acceptance... acceptance and tolerance and understanding.. why is it this??
like i had said before, nobody in this world is as perfect as they would think they are... =) eventually there will be something that hurts the other.. one man's rose is always another man's thorn.. =) but then to accept who they are instead of changing who they are, to tolerate their attitude by accepting who they are, and to understand them internally instead of externally... gradually, we will adapt to the person.. we have high adaptation skill arent we?? human adapts to their things around them so quick that they dont even realised it.. =)

isnt complaining for who they are, what they did and then to hold on grudges and hatred is something tiring..it well at least exhaust me mentally..
some people ask me before, how can you tolerate your friends for what they had did??

i do..i do get angry for a certain time, but in the time of getting angry, i asked myself back.. is it a fault of a person or it is a fault of 2 way??? if you would ever be friend in the first place, why is it a conflicts that could break off a friendship?? what is the feeling of the 1st time when we had became friend??

here i am talking about close friends not superficial friend.. it has differ.. i admit that not all people i am hanging out around, are my close friends.. well, everyone had friends who are superficial as well as deep~ =)

in that process, understanding starts to take place.. yes, i start to know, so that is what she/he really are... so?? am i forego that friends??
nobody in this world is a saint, that is at least what i believe.... then accept the person for who they are if you are going to hold on the person as your friends...
eventually u will adapt to that person for who they are.. =)

when u accept and adapt, whatever they do, like previously, you wouldnt have hurt that much as the 1st time.. isnt it?? at one point, u would have laugh at their action.. =)
adapt and grow up in the process... this survival skill would have benefit one in any environment that one live in.. at one stage of life, u will have met at least 100 different attitude and character.. are we going to live our life miserably because we couldnt have one person to have open up our mind in that particular place??

or are we going to change the view of it and live with it??? if we keep on going back to past and to hang on to only one person and to think that she/he is the only friend that you could have in your lifetime, what happen if one day that person left your world??? is that mean u gonna be just like the forever alone meme??

people dont walk to your door and knock and say let's be soulmate.. even if there is, but if you would have been so rigid in your feeling and views, i feel, that 2 person wouldnt be close friends...even if they appear to be close, but then to what extend?? if one thing could had rock their relationship, will it end just like that?? and if that happen, what would happen??

to be over calculative and to measure every depth and weight of a friendship, to have motive and to plan out a strategy in making friend and to fake all loveable traits instead of showing the real traits, arent all this tire you out??

i truly believe that if you are a friend to one... they accept you for who you are, not change who you arent. because by changing your own friend, is that person the same person who u first met??? the 1st person who u said HI to??

this is at least what i think...
i am as simple as that...whatever i do, as long as i think it soothe my heart and i think it is right, i would done it... and well of course sincerely..
but could it be in this world today that being so simple is actually complicated in the other's eyes and hard to interpret?? and to be complicated it is easier to be guess??

maybe i should be a little more complicated.. hahahaha~ =) well at least, some people dont need to guess me so hard.. xD
but then, i need some teaching to be complicated~ =)