world within

do you guys believe that in every person mind, there is always a hidden world, a world that hardly had the chance to surface, the reality, the truth that everyone wish to keep it hidden forever...bringing it to the grave

far from civilization....far from humanity~ some choose to forget about it..some didnt even know the hidden world of themselves..what i meant by the latter??

i believe i am the latter one...never knew or probably i do, just that i never realized that i had it~~ i do..i seriously do think about it... what kind of person i am?? am i someone worth to be called friends by some other... why on earth do i had such a thinking...funny me~ xD

yeah, i can even type the smiley emoticon.. crazy much~ =)

am i a friend to a friend..or i am just a bypasser?? the people who walk pass other life..a person who never leave any footprint in one life...probably i am just a bypasser to many people i claim to be friend....

maybe it is me...well, if one person are acting that way, it could be the problem of that person, bt then my high school friends?? all of them??? it should be mine...i type could just now, bt yeah, it should be the word SHOULD~ =) afterall, it's not 1 but 4..

at times me looking at how they could joke and hang out together, i admit, i do butthurt.. initially i really angry about it...what is that?? did you guys just went out without inviting me??? what is this all about?? and u guys wrote gathering...without me~~ and i though 5 of us really close in high school... i question myself day by day...and slowly, the unattended question slowly turn into a mystery~ the anger i had were slowly off~~ and slowly i put the blame on myself..

well, like i said, if 4 of them are having the same thought, i would be the problematic one...even if they thought i wasnt part of their world, i belongs to a world far from them...

i really wanna know what kind of person i am...i really wish someone sincerely told me...am i a friend worth to be call a friend....i hate the fact that all my friends are just merely a friend...honestly, lately one of a friend i care had just...idk..went missing??? where are the 3 people i always talk to?? 4 of us who chat happily all the time...it just vanish~~

my dad once say, in your life, u will go into different space, different step, and in this every step u met different kind of people and eventually the people u met in the previous space, it will remain in ur memory...even if they were out of your sight, they remain in your memories as people u had met before, people u share memories with...

but

is it real that a friendship couldnt go thru the different space, different step together?? even if it meant less face to face talk, less conversation,friend never meant to be let off~~that is at least what im thinking of~~

maybe to the last day of me in the earth, i shall ask the grim reaper..do tell me, which tears in funeral day, is the true genuine tears...tears without color, not the black tears neither the red tears...if tears represent the true feeling of one,

what is the color of tears that is rolling down my face now...will i able to receive the true tears?? or i will never receive one~