Sunday, May 20, 2012


I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
you´ve been the only thing that´s right
In all I´ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say


all i can say is this song is a love~

Saturday, May 19, 2012

together ♥


ever noticed the forever friend teddy i been using as my background?? i used forever friend teddy everywhere.. in my twitter, here in blog, previously as cover picture in my facebook and.. my desktop ..

i always like forever friend teddy~ because of the name, of course because the adorable, hugable and cuteness overload teddy, but because of the name, forever friend..

i know i had been talking about friends and how i had to cope up with people around me.. for the past few weeks, or probably months, i had been in constant on and off depression to an extent, i think i could diagnosed myself either cyclothymia or probably moderate depression syndrome.. or probably bipolar type 2 syndrome..

till today.. i had an outing with my girls, my girls that make me all laid back and happy..

it could be just a simple outing, with movie (we watched SAFE (2012)) and then shop around (and i met my junior after so many years.. hahaha, she still recognised me, what a surprise...) and then dinner and supper and story telling time.. ^^

it could be just a simple girls outing.. but the laughter in it is so loud that it could shakes the place up.. and liling brought her little baby and it brightens the whole place even more.. it is hot there, but nobody mind fanning the little princess with the recipe book.. when she cries, 4-5 girls got freaked out and the noise from them is even louder than the cries from the little girl.. =)

it is just as simple as that.. we were there talking all sort of nonsense, nothing informative.. probably talking bout haunted school and what they did, what they been kaypo-ing on, or about the scary no-hand crawling on the floor old lady in the uni, or about pregnancy... or maybe some few random crazy selca... ♥♥

but for today, i had my mind chilled.. i had my mind stop thinking, did i said something wrong, did i did something wrong, am i wrong for doing this, what are those people thinking, why are they unhappy, what are they unhappy at, what sentence should i say ...

i laugh so loud, i could say "you are an idiot!!" without any drawback, without thinking that i could hurt someone with that sentence..

i didnt say that back in there, i couldnt do the same thing.. i still laugh very loud, i still jokes around... is just at times, to certain people, i had to restrain myself..
and it is not as free... as back here with this grp of insane engineers.. =)

maybe stress is taking a troll in me... stress i faced there, i could be unconsciously draining the blame to people around me...
i should start de-stress myself, take up some stress management class... =)

but for now, let me take an opportunity to say.. THANK YOU GIRLS.. AND I ♥ YOU!! ^^

baby lizy..

Monday, May 14, 2012


title translated as : stupid

instead of starting a prologue-kind-of-introduction-before-going-into-the-real-question, today i am going straight to the question.. =) i had stated about life, friends and other stuff-that-i-had-forgotten-what-the-earth-is-it.. =)

so today let's go to the topic LOVE.. ^^

what is love?? what is the definition of love??

some people had love as their everything in life, even more than their life... some had it so insignificant in their life, putting it last in their priority list...
just like life, everyone had their own definition of love .. but what is the common definition of love??

no matter how would one define it, how someone placed it, how they see it, how they used it.... love is something one couldnt but must have it in their life.. to have it excessively, or to have it just enough to be loved and to love, or to have it so little... everyone had this little love potion in them.. everyone has it.. our love not to our own lover, but love to parent, love to siblings, love to friends, love to animals and love to other sapiens..

let us make the title simple..instead of putting it so wide to almost everyone and everything in this world, let us make it simple... to the one we love.. =)

love is always a magical feeling that brings 2 persons' heart into same alignment at right time, right place with the perfect right feeling ...
love is also the destroyer feeling that tore 2 persons' heart into 2 different alignment at the wrong time, wrong place with the perfectly wrong freaking feeling ...

it could be varies from one extremeties to another... it makes people feel so doubtful yet so determined.. so depressed yet so blissful...
it turns one person from who they are to who they wanted the opposite wants them to be... it turns one sane person into insanity...
it is so powerful that love could turn into hatred and destroyed both...

have any of you ever feel like to really take up the courage and say YES I WANT TO BE WITH YOU... I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU...
u know what, i never had the courage to say any of that....

to starts off a relationship it is hard but i still think to maintain a relationship is even harder.. this is the time where friction, fights and everything comes into your way.. and how strong is the love will be put on test... it was also the time where one would think, i love him but are we supposed to be together? are we fated to be together?? OR i am sorry but i dont love you anymore.. you deserved a better person ...

if this question were to emerge soon, why they agreed to be together at the first place?? what then makes the words "you are mine forever" "i love you and till death separates both of us" "for you, everything is easy" ... what makes the initial feeling gone?? the lack of determination to continue on?? the lack of understanding??

have any of us thought of marriage vows : I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

i watched the drama THE HIPPOCRATIC CRUSH.. kenneth ma said this :

"Marriage vows...if just read out according to convention, there's no meaning...When young, beautiful and healthy, so certainly love. However, when the other gradually ages, old and defeated, has more and more illnesses, and even watching the other die of old, no longer love then? Since, in the future, will not abandon each should be the same. If just because the other has an illness and not love, then it's not true love. [No one knows one's life span.] Even we, as doctors, cannot guarantee that we'll live to a hundred. Thus, there is no guarantee of growing old together in marriage vows, but must guarantee that, whether in sickness or in health, must be together"

it's true.. u dont say about eternity for one had no guarantee in eternity... everyone who said this line with their other half should have knew why instead of making it short and simple with the word eternity, to be with you for the eternity... why is the vow written it into, to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health... because this is the times, where love are put onto a test....

someone asked me before... why?
why am i so scared to be in love... is it that you had put ur target so high ??
i asked myself before.. am i?? am i putting it so high ?? or am i guarding my heart, my feeling so strong that i walled it high and not letting anyone to step in...

i thought for a second... i choose the latter one... i guard myself too well.. to be over protective of myself...
protect myself from this.. i knew i am being way to realistic.. to protective that i had no-one to had a slightest chance to put me into a dilemma..

i am too coward.. coward to be in love... or too self-protective..

i should open up a little...

please dont give up on me.. =)

so yeah...

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

a bitter day

have u heard quotes about smile?? how a smile could change a person and a day of another person?
how strong a smile could give? how beautiful a smile could be??

did anyone mention to you that if u were to smile with full gratitude, to smile with the most sincerity u had, u had the best life? and that it brightens up people around you?? how powerful it could be and that it melts just any ice??

some examples of quotes by the big names ... on smile~

1. Peace begins with smile - Mother Teresa
2. "And then he gives a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me" - katniss everdeen , Hunger Game
3. Let us make one point that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. smile at each other, make time for each other in your family - Mother Teresa
4. if you cant find the right words for certain situations just give a smile. words have the potential to confuse but a smile convinces.
5. your smile looks adorable on you! you should wear it more often.

i smiled.. i smiled every day.. waking up in the morning, smiling my heart out, being a cheerful girl i always am...
but the smile portion just dont work.. it didnt work.. it never work...

how could it not work on me?? is it really not working?? am i really a failure in life??
i did something wrong in my daily life?? this never stops, and being continuous all day and every day... i am so sick about it..

why is it me who had to cope with everyone emotion and not just someone to cope with mine??
am i being the one coping for so long, that i had become a no-emotion sapiens??

i am tired... i really do...
i am tired to be someone's doll... i am tired to be everyone moderator..
i am tired to cope with everyone stress and emotion..

dont blame me for not being understanding.. i had my own level of stress... i had my own problems that are unspoken of...
why am i had to understand your stress and keep up with the tantrum ??

i had enough that i smile early in the morning and everyone had a poker face to show....
i had enough of smiling... it just doesnt work that way... it doesnt...