relationship

yes,im back to my own blog, after updating other people blog for the past 2 weeks... =(

and it seems like im not coming back with the usual jumpy mood i have... neither coming back with nice topic to discuss with..
i am back..with full of sadness and emoness and depressive and just let me be childish for a moment throwing tantrum here ....

am i being over emotional recently?? i know that recently i had been in not so smooth mood...
someone once said that to listen to what other people have to say is what the reflection of others to us.. im picking it up, and i am listening to it.. but am i being in the fault for being over emotional on that certain issue??

to do nothing wrong, to get a cold reaction, to be ignored.. and to be outcast like i had done something bad.. to had others thinking i am wrong, to had others blame me, to some extent i think i did something wrong... to hold it inside, to calm myself down quietly in my heart, and then to almost bust, to break down and to cried...
then a msg sent...not even verbally...

to go thru such emotional trauma... am i being wrong for ignoring her?? am i being egoistic enough for not taking the initial step to say HI??

dont i deserved a rights to get angry? dont i deserved a right to say no, bt i cant accept the whole scene??

u might be asking, why am i caring all those words?? why i let myself to be hurt?? i can just ignore what those people had to say...
i might be stupid enough to think, even housemate, it should be someone to close enough to call close friends..
i rather to believe what they have to say even most of the times it is a joke than to stop believing them...

to count ..i never cried once in the 2 years of my form 6, cried once when im hosteller (for 2 years), and to cry numerous times in my 2 years stay in this house..
why is it so hard to stay together??

i think i had been very straight forward, very simple minded to an extent, an absent mind...
am i that hard to mingle around ?? is it a problem of i alone or was it others??
is it hard to treasure a friend?? i tried to ignore bt not till they say they could be someone i could be counting on..

i have no idea if they had a motive themselves...bt to me, to be staying together could be a fate.. to be together as friend, there is nothing to be calculative on...
i might be thinking too much and to put myself in a bad state...

but everytime something went wrong, i couldnt help bt to notice the bad look....and couldnt help bt to think it could be my problem.. and the sentence if only i dont...

why is relationship between human beings could be so hard to understand... why people would like to present themselves in the most complicated form ever??
am i being naive on this world..or i am just plain stupid...
oh well, the word naive means stupid....

can i count on this friendship to continue???
what am i believing now, will it gradually fading away??? after all this, am i still the person i used to be??