of reality.. of story

i may have wonder why one choose to kill themselves, for not loving the time they had, chooses to die while many were fighting for their dear life.. in my country, recently there been a lot of suicide cases.. well, most of it because of failure in relationship.. yes, i never understand why they choose for that route.. i termed that stupid.. for a person who doesnt even love them, they choose to leave those who loves them.. those who cherish them.. those who willing to be there for them...choose to hurt them over a person who doesnt even care less if you were there or not..

is life that worthless in their eyes?? when some people were fighting against the worst time of their life.. fighting for every second of their life to see, to listen and to speak in this world.. why some could just leap off and gone forever.. i dont know.. i been in the ward for almost 6 months already.. nt as patient bt as medical student.. i had seen lots of people fighting for time.. fighting for their own life.. and seriously, i had come across 2 patient who say "just let me die..i just wanted a peaceful day for now.. let me off from this suffering"

i really stunned..went speechless from what i heard.. my friend comfort him..saying he has his family there with him.. to be stronger and get healthy... i couldnt take it, i hid behind my friends and wipe my own tears..

recently i heard one again...from my own relatives.. she was diagnosed with cancer..advanced cancer.. looking at her, i felt so helpless.. my granny died because of cancer.. looking at her, i really wish i could help her.. feeling so helpless, i wonder myself..i cant help it bt to blame myself for being so helpless.. instead of worrying herself, she worried about her family.. she dedicated her life to her family.. and yet, reality hit her hard.. her family members, none was there for her to lean on... fighting over for her money, her wealth even before she close her eyes.. seldom step into the ward to accompany her..and fighting among themselves....the whole family is just a lump of shit.. i pity my own aunt for having going thru all this.. dedicating her life in her family, and yet, when she in pain, there is none bt crocodile tears for her..

she once told she would just went up to 12th floor and jump down..instead of being a burden to all... even i as her niece, went to the ward more than her so-called children.. is this what u do to repay your own mother??? at that very instand, i truly understand...at times, people dont choose the end path unless they become very disappointed in the society...disappointed with something in their life..

in her case..reality is far worst than being dead... looking on her own family, none could help to release her pain..her own illness that had eaten up much of herself.. reality hit her hard... if i was in her shoe, i wouldnt dare to imagine what will i do...i dont blame her for thinking dead is better than being alive... after all she had went thru...life is indeed harsh...is indeed worthless to continue fighting to live on... if only her family member would wake up... understand what their mother are going thru.. to stop being fake bout taking care of her...to stop eyeing on the wealth.. if i was them, i wish i dont have all those wealth, all i want is a healthy mum~

if i could change all the wealth to have a perfect healthy family member, i really will do it~ there is nothing better than having your family member there for you~ and i wish my cousins will understand that~ being older than me, how immature their thinking are.. i just dont understand their IQ and EQ.. and yes, i am saying u guys are STUPID!

reality sometimes..are just hurtful.. just too harsh.. and at times, people would just run away from reality~ life isnt about perfection.. life dont go like what we wanted.. life is just unfair.. accept the life how it be.. being good or being bad, isnt something we can change, bt we can change it by changing how we see life, how we try to make it better from the worst...