到此為止

我們

不能知道每個人的所有事
我也不會知道她的事 也不會故意探究追問
但我看到的 卻是一個天真女孩
不懂太多人情世故 只懂全情投入去愛
但最後 卻換來遍體鱗傷

旁人 也不能跟她說甚麼打氣說話
畢竟人 是須要獨去成長
旁人的說話 只是輔助 有時甚至乎是贈慶

.........................

成長
是需要勇氣
也得忘記過去..

首先是要把眼淚收起
洗個臉
跟自己和他說一聲


"好了 就這樣吧 到此為止" ...


我真的能吗？？？我可以吗？？？

----

好好分開應要淡忘　你找到你伴侶
重臨舊情境　我卻哭得出眼淚
時常在聯想　你會溫馨的抱她午睡
然而自己現在沒任何權利　再抱怨一句

我再沒勇氣向你講舊時　沒有勇氣相愛另一次
為你將睡眠忘記　通宵傾談但已經頓成往事
還是記起　無道理的對罵是年紀小的不智
今天你能忘記　只得我懷念多麼諷刺

輾轉反側將愛活埋　要把你印象減退
重提舊人物　我卻開心得帶恐懼
年月是流水　我也相識一個成長伴侶
殘酷或許是對象面形容貌　也似你少許

我再沒勇氣向你講舊時　沒有勇氣相愛另一次
為你將睡眠忘記　通宵傾談但已經頓成往事
還是記起　無道理的對罵是年紀小的不智
今天你能忘記　只得我懷念多麼諷刺

如何逃避這戀愛故事　仍然說得多細緻
重覆的震撼　餘震未停止

我再沒勇氣向你講舊時　沒有勇氣相愛另一次
為你將睡眠忘記　通宵傾談但已經頓成往事
還是記起　無道理的對罵是年紀小的不智
今天再回頭看　這一個男孩子

我怕面對你說到生活時　後悔過往的幼稚爭議
沒你的動人時節　喧譁歡騰亦已經並無意義
閒話到此　遺憾到此結論是回憶總要到此
雖則你難忘記　這戀愛遺物終需棄置

再好好過日子





。。。。。。

GEUMANHAE!!

D DD DD DD D
D DD DD DD D
Stop it, stop it, please

Talk that talk that talk that
Talk that talk that talk that

How could you do this?
I am hurting so much like this
Do you even think of me?
Am I easy to you?

Yes, I’ll listen, although it’ll be all lies
Yes, I’ll smile, just like all the girls you played with

* (Talk that) Keep saying those ridiculous words
(Talk that) But don’t think that I’ll believe you
(Talk that) Because everything you say is a lie
(Talk that) Tell me the truth
(Talk that) Stop playing with me
(Talk that) Everything you tell me seems like a lie

Talk that talk that talk that
Talk that talk that talk that

From the start, it was all lies
Don’t tell me that you were telling the truth
Now it’s hard for me to believe you
Am I that easy to you?

Yes, I’ll listen, although I already know your excuses
Yes, I’ll smile, now please go away, I won’t care anymore

* Repeat

You tell me again but I don’t wanna listen, just stop it all
Don’t say my name
Don’t say my name
Don’t say my name

Talk that talk that talk that
Talk that talk that talk that please

* Repeat

Talk that talk that talk that
Talk that talk that talk that

English translated: pop!gasa



am i being so easy to you????

why?

i promise myself to treat myself better.. to forget you, to not thinking bout u and to try to accept other people into my life...
and like u requested, i starts to avoid you...

i did... i mix with others, i accept other people,
and i started to accept another guy...

but why i could not find the same feeling i had with you?
why memories come back is only bout me and you?

u asked me to help u to prepare food.. i knew im sick, i knew i could have say no, i knew i should have to reject u saying im sick...
but why at that time without thinking despite the cough and blank mind,i immediately agreed to?? and why even that, i could be so happy????

at top of all, why after all, i still miss you???

did i really love u that deep???
is it so hard to forget someone who shared so much of memories???
how long still will it takes???


im still curious..
did u share the same feeling like i do????

mind game

mind game...
is it so fun?? isnt it tiring.. guessing each and every thing a person trying to do/ say...
even guessing what one going to say... why breaking such an excitement??

are u indicating "wait for you" by elliot yamin ..


or

separate lives by phil collins


i dont know.. i have no idea what is happening around me..
it is so confusing... i am so confused...

should i really confront u... and tell u what i really feel???


should i hold on still....
or
should i just let off??

i admit... i still miss you~ i really do!!!

anyeong sarang anyeong

from the start i took up the courage to love you....

then i took in my stubborn in holding on to the love i never see a future...
i become coward in not letting it off...

today i took back my courage and decide to let it off...

i am proud of myself... ^^

.............

so this is how i will feel??
so this is how one felt when they had a taste of freedom???

no wonder i always find a a big place with no ends calming.. like the wide blue sea and a green big field... it is always so calming just by looking to it...
probably it is just part of me, part of me who restricts myself...
a part of me who cries for freedom...

by looking to the wide place, where there is unlimited freedom,something i always want, something i always scared to have it...

thanks for giving me a taste of freedom.. so this is how it feels like...
i shall never forget how it feels like... :D

to forget

how many of us could actually forget someone easily?? especially that person had so many memories and so much things to remind us about his presence...

how could i forgive u who gave me so much to be remembered in a first place...
how could i give up when my heart wouldnt even want to give up..

i had logically told myself enough is enough..after everything, wouldnt dignity could have save me from hell??? how could i fell even deeper into those loop hole???

after what had happen, after all those tears, why would i still not wake up from what could happen... isnt it obvious that this again an one-sided love... why would i be so stupid to be in such situation...

....... now i would tell why.....

how could i forget someone who shares so much memories.. every corner of my life for the last 2 years had filled with a memory between us...

how could i forget him when he has appeared again and again in front of me.. who had faced me everyday...

how could i forget him when every time i tried not to be with him, he had comeback to gain attention.. either a lame joke, a funny expression or a weird question...

how could i forget him when even my facebook chat list had his name on, either online or offline.. his name is always there for god-know-what-reason.. he is not listed as my close friend, i didnt message him so much.. others would disappear when they offline.. some never been into that column.. how could his name forever be at there.. i never pin his name there.. even facebook bullied me~ :(

how could i forget him....

i hate how i had look at things that happen.. i hate myself for finding reason to forgive him each and every time.. how could i blame myself for everything that had happen... if a guy loves u so much, would he actually walk away and come like that... someone say it is hard to understand a women's heart... it is also hard to know men's sincerity... am i not being obvious that i had fall for him?? or that i am being inobvious that he is trying not to fall for me in order to protect himself...

or am i being obvious that i fall for him.. and he did that so that i dont fall for him anymore??

either of it...i guess the latter had more probability than the former... but one thing for sure, as long as he is still in my mind, how could i ever receive another guy in my life... till when, such a life would end??? it is killing me slowly from within... it is easy for people to say give up.. how could i, when my life is still full of him... it is easy to say stop, give up!! enough is enough.. bt how could u forget someone who had give so much in your life... now i understand why sometimes, even in hell, some wife still stay with their husband and children when they could afford to walk away~

Biased

i had so much to say but each and everytime i get to say it, or even to type it here

i become tongue-tight..


in this friendship, can i still hold on??
should i still hold on???

should i still find myself a reason to stay???
a reason for myself to call a friend a friend????

does this heartache mean i still care for this friendship????

i am confused...if being in as friend hurts me so much, why is it still called friend??
if within friends, grouping happen, isolation happen.. is this still call friends??

being outcast twice in a relationship, why cant i still learn to heal my own heartache???


......

conclusion : i am dumb!

夜夜夜夜

the lyrics...

you dont even try to explain everything to me... you dont even try to force yourself to lie a single word...

i should have wake up... i should have seen the difference..
i should have stop myself from the unrealistic dream... who am i making myself into...

sorry to myself.. wait, i dont even deserved that sorry from myself..


who am i now?? i wonder...
somewhere along someone conversation... that line, makes me wonder...
i am.... what had been said~ i am...

a dumb

幼稚完

u say i always misinterpret what u feel...
misinterpret what you say...

misunderstood u...

----

i promise myself, after this month..
if there is nothing else from you... i promise to be good to myself..
i will be better... i am sure~ :D

we...

listening to Junsu Uncommitted...

the first phrase :

It was all a dream
Reality was far from
the safe picture she painted for me
She told me I was the one and I believed
until the dream dissipated so suddenly

a dream, a reality... i used to say i had to dream of reality because how reality be is how we want it to be...
we work for our dream, to make it a reality... a dream come true as long as i believe..

what define a dream?
what define a reality?

it would be a lie that i dont felt a thing..
after each and everything that had happen, for each and everything that had turn memories, if i would say i dont felt a thing, it's a lie... a big lie that i said to make life easier for everyone...

probably im the only one... maybe i think so much of the unreal..
to believe i could create a dream.. to create an inception

is it possible???
will it be possible???

i lied to myself everyday.. every single morning is a dream i create for myself to lessen those heartache..
every single morning i just wanna hid inside... to hid myself from every sunlight..

i get myself a list of excuses, a list of lies... hypnotized myself...
wake up and face the world with a smile... end the day and to get up the next day with a brand new lie...

sooner or later i might be a better actress than some malaysian actress.. =)

could it be?

i am a dreamer...

a sentence i never want to deny... i admit that i am a big dreamer.. i dream on everything and i see things so magically and mysteriously, i live just a life like that.. a naive thinking?? or probably an empty minded.. a real empty skull... just like my mum said.. you are a dumb at times...

i do agree.. i am a dumb not at times but for most of the times.. to think bout how dumb i could be... life just had to move on...

since u know im a dreamer, why do u even start initiating my dreaming point??? o.O
if i am a dreamer like that and u knew it, why dont just stop me from dreaming?? instead of letting me move on to stage 3 then 4 and then REM...

i had been in REM sleep too long... it's about time, to wake up~~

not good enough?

heard this song... and kept me thinking..

probably not all, bt most of the movies and dramas i watched, there is always a part where either the guy or the girl, left the one they loved because they thought that it would make the other half happier and more blissful..

the act that they thought it is so generous, so noble that they are letting their other half go despite all the love that both side portrays.. thinking that they are thinking on their behalf, letting them off so that they could receive more love... is this really so generous?? is this really so noble?? should the other half thanks them for all those so-called "scarifies" ??

this normally seen when one learned they had terminal disease or that they are going to another worst stage of their life..

i dont know about you people who might had another thought but for me, when both person were in love and agreed to be each other half, completing each other, where we said till death tears us apart,

why would one part could ever think that to back off, could bring more happiness to another half??
who are you to determine what i want it to be?? why would being sick or being anything a barrier for 2 person??

how could this become generous when if there is anything happen, regrets and sorrow follow that person all the time.. as opposed to generosity, this is a self-fish act instead...

why would one say they are not up-to-par to a person they like?? have you ever even tried?? giving it up by saying that "she will be happier without me" who are u to even say that?? if the other half who loved you so dearly, and by that, showing your generosity, isnt it show that the other are materialistic? the other half is so weak that a little test from god, she/he couldnt even handle it??

i always thought that, even if left a day, i would want someone i love to be with me... at least, we could make use of the time to built the world best memory.. to able to talk it out, and to face it together... at least no regrets of not being able to say anything that left in the heart..

i knew how it felt to be in such deep regrets, because I, had something left unspoken, and for this, it will remain unspoken for the rest of my life... no matter how much i wish i could turn back the time..it is just not possible...anymore~~

i should have said it...

love like this

when i wrote that i actually thought of avril lavign COMPLICATED.. ^^

back from my post-birthday celebration.. ate and had a chill..
it's a nice outing.. a time to chill around with a group of crazy friends making crazy rules...
has been some time since we did that but despite the lack of time we had spent together and when we had gather together for an event, it is still awesome like always.. =)

confession time for all :

1st thank you, for the birthday bash that you guys been planning despite exam week... i knew it is a birthday event plan from the day you people told me to had a dinner on saturday night.. but still, im touched for all the planning, and what even best, thank you for the self-made birthday cake... thank you so much...

2nd... i had been very bad in expressing myself.. bad in expressing the words, bad in saying what i had to say in my mind.. many times i had kept things in me, thinking that i might had caused less awkward, less misunderstanding and less trouble explaining myself.. sorry for the part of me hating explaining things i do and who i am... not that i like to ignore and laugh it away, but it is part of me that i hate explaining things around me.. i rather had it silent off itself..

but then let me say.. thank you for being here as my friends despite all the lacking that i had in me...
thank you for giving in to my frequent silly thought, silly words and silly act that may had caused a lot of frustration and annoyance.. i had always, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, had silly thinking, silly word and ask the most ridiculously silly question and answered question in the most idiotic way... thank you for coping up with me.. because if it is me, i would have erupt..

then thanks for giving in to my frequent childish rant and tantrum.. i knew i had threw a lot of tantrums and deserved a good spank for all this.. but instead of a scolding, with patient, you guys had pass it on.. this make me even more ashamed of myself..

what had i done to deserved this back?? i had being taking more than just giving in.. i had done so little to deserved so much from you guys... and i am even more sorry that i had even thought of giving up at times.. for someone who is so lacking and critics so much.. to even had myself to compare to you guys.. i am truly sorry for that...

for a person who is so incomplete and lacking, thank you for blessing me with so many considerate friends.. ♥♥

Missing

ever had the feeling of missing someone yet couldnt expressed it out??
the person is so near to say "i miss you" and yet feel so far that no human voice could reach those ear... yup, the phrase so near yet so far..

ever had the moment where u tried to type something on the phone, just to erase it again because you couldnt find a good excuse to type the message??
or to hold on the phone and look at it, hoping for a message?

or maybe when you miss the person so much, u re-read the message conversation and laugh at yourself??

missing a person could be a tiring process yet a blissful waiting.. it's like you wait and wait.. and wait... and puff, a message received, and all those waits, those minutes, those hours dont seem to matter... at that very little second, it feels like you had own the world best moment.. =)

but unfortunately, missing a person could be too very torturing.. the endless wait, the wait that had no tract of stopping..

it could be missing someone who had went afar, afar which mean someone who had change so much that he/she wasnt someone who she/he used to be or someone who had went to an eternity place we called heaven..

looking back on each and everything related to that person, to be remind, to recall, to continue on missing a person... knowing no matter how long you had wait, it is still endless.. the person who has walked away, chances of returning seems to be so negligible..

maybe we will meet again at one point of life... wait me there, u thought..

~~

a very narrative way of starting... wow, back to blog after sometime.. i am actually procrastinating... i was supposed to read my notes for the upcoming exam.. wish me luck guys~ =)

i read somewhere before on a quote which i feel is quite true... "LISTEN TO THE SONG THE GIRL IS LISTENING AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE LYRICS, THOSE ARE THE WORDS SHE WANTED TO SAY"

true enough... at certain time of my mood, the choice of songs i choose differ... recently i listen to MISSING ME - RJ HELTON...

why i pick this song?? hahahaha... read the lyrics~ ^^

finish grumble and nag, here is the song
MISSING ME - RJ HELTON

cyclothymic

i was very happy in the ward today... not that i learnt something new but then i met back someone i wanted to meet...
and to my very surprise, he actually recognize me... =)

okay, he is none other than one of the medical officer i say handsome in the hospital im currently posted in.. =) although currently in medical posting, but then i follow an anesthesiology medical officer doing his peripheral round ... LOL~

and well, i overhead the nurse ogling at him and say he is cute/handsome/cool and etc ...
they must be very surprised to see i could be so informal when talking to him.. and hey, not my fault... he started the informality first..

a happy medical student at that very moment.. =)

but the happiness doesnt last long... i have no idea out of nowhere, while i was walking to the car with someone.. that very someone told me in a good way but still hurting, that i talk in a very arrogant way... and make me think, am i that impudent? am i that offending???

that kick me from heaven down to hell....

i should have care less bout every comment/critics.....
i should have... i should have...

maybe i had.... attitude problem...
to all who care, i am truly sorry for my attitude problem... and my lost of manners...
i failed my mum in being a better human~

explanation

have you ever caught in a place where everyone wants you to say what is in your mind only to rebut it later ?? and still, want to know what is your opinion ??
have you ever been in a place where nobody would want to listen to your explanation and when they finally saying what u plan to say and then blames it on you that you havent talk about it??

i had... had it so much that at time i passed it on with "sorry but i have no idea" "anything u want" "whatever" "i have no comment" "its okay"

taking all the bother to explain about something... why would i when nobody is listening.. is it fun to say so much and yet nobody going to care what is on???

why would i say it in the first place when nobody believe me??
why would i explain myself and make myself heard when everything i said is a nag to all ears??

i learn a lot in staying in... thank you for all the valuable lectures..
i learnt something in this 2 years... have you???

i learnt not to comment so much in something.. nobody interested, nobody wants to know... keep it to yourself
i learnt that people only had interest when it comes to their own interest... if not, they wouldnt care to listen about it... if it applies only to your interest, keep it to yourself... because once they had done or settle with theirs, they will never bother bout yours...

i care so i say...
i keep quiet... not because i being less noisy, it is because i choose to mute myself, as well as mute my care...

being housemate and only housemate is all we have now~
let's enjoy another year .... and close it nicely~

run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
you´ve been the only thing that´s right
In all I´ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can´t raise your voice to say

--------------

all i can say is this song is a love~

together ♥

♥♥

ever noticed the forever friend teddy i been using as my background?? i used forever friend teddy everywhere.. in my twitter, here in blog, previously as cover picture in my facebook and.. my desktop ..

i always like forever friend teddy~ because of the name, of course because the adorable, hugable and cuteness overload teddy, but because of the name, forever friend..

i know i had been talking about friends and how i had to cope up with people around me.. for the past few weeks, or probably months, i had been in constant on and off depression to an extent, i think i could diagnosed myself either cyclothymia or probably moderate depression syndrome.. or probably bipolar type 2 syndrome..

till today.. i had an outing with my girls, my girls that make me all laid back and happy..

it could be just a simple outing, with movie (we watched SAFE (2012)) and then shop around (and i met my junior after so many years.. hahaha, she still recognised me, what a surprise...) and then dinner and supper and story telling time.. ^^

it could be just a simple girls outing.. but the laughter in it is so loud that it could shakes the place up.. and liling brought her little baby and it brightens the whole place even more.. it is hot there, but nobody mind fanning the little princess with the recipe book.. when she cries, 4-5 girls got freaked out and the noise from them is even louder than the cries from the little girl.. =)

it is just as simple as that.. we were there talking all sort of nonsense, nothing informative.. probably talking bout haunted school and what they did, what they been kaypo-ing on, or about the scary no-hand crawling on the floor old lady in the uni, or about pregnancy... or maybe some few random crazy selca... ♥♥

but for today, i had my mind chilled.. i had my mind stop thinking, did i said something wrong, did i did something wrong, am i wrong for doing this, what are those people thinking, why are they unhappy, what are they unhappy at, what sentence should i say ...

i laugh so loud, i could say "you are an idiot!!" without any drawback, without thinking that i could hurt someone with that sentence..

i didnt say that back in there, i couldnt do the same thing.. i still laugh very loud, i still jokes around... is just at times, to certain people, i had to restrain myself..
and it is not as free... as back here with this grp of insane engineers.. =)

maybe stress is taking a troll in me... stress i faced there, i could be unconsciously draining the blame to people around me...
i should start de-stress myself, take up some stress management class... =)

but for now, let me take an opportunity to say.. THANK YOU GIRLS.. AND I ♥ YOU!! ^^

baby lizy..

傻瓜

title translated as : stupid

instead of starting a prologue-kind-of-introduction-before-going-into-the-real-question, today i am going straight to the question.. =) i had stated about life, friends and other stuff-that-i-had-forgotten-what-the-earth-is-it.. =)

so today let's go to the topic LOVE.. ^^

what is love?? what is the definition of love??

some people had love as their everything in life, even more than their life... some had it so insignificant in their life, putting it last in their priority list...
just like life, everyone had their own definition of love .. but what is the common definition of love??

no matter how would one define it, how someone placed it, how they see it, how they used it.... love is something one couldnt but must have it in their life.. to have it excessively, or to have it just enough to be loved and to love, or to have it so little... everyone had this little love potion in them.. everyone has it.. our love not to our own lover, but love to parent, love to siblings, love to friends, love to animals and love to other sapiens..

let us make the title simple..instead of putting it so wide to almost everyone and everything in this world, let us make it simple... to the one we love.. =)

love is always a magical feeling that brings 2 persons' heart into same alignment at right time, right place with the perfect right feeling ...
love is also the destroyer feeling that tore 2 persons' heart into 2 different alignment at the wrong time, wrong place with the perfectly wrong freaking feeling ...

it could be varies from one extremeties to another... it makes people feel so doubtful yet so determined.. so depressed yet so blissful...
it turns one person from who they are to who they wanted the opposite wants them to be... it turns one sane person into insanity...
it is so powerful that love could turn into hatred and destroyed both...

have any of you ever feel like to really take up the courage and say YES I WANT TO BE WITH YOU... I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU...
u know what, i never had the courage to say any of that....

to starts off a relationship it is hard but i still think to maintain a relationship is even harder.. this is the time where friction, fights and everything comes into your way.. and how strong is the love will be put on test... it was also the time where one would think, i love him but are we supposed to be together? are we fated to be together?? OR i am sorry but i dont love you anymore.. you deserved a better person ...

if this question were to emerge soon, why they agreed to be together at the first place?? what then makes the words "you are mine forever" "i love you and till death separates both of us" "for you, everything is easy" ... what makes the initial feeling gone?? the lack of determination to continue on?? the lack of understanding??

have any of us thought of marriage vows : I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

i watched the drama THE HIPPOCRATIC CRUSH.. kenneth ma said this :

"Marriage vows...if just read out according to convention, there's no meaning...When young, beautiful and healthy, so certainly love. However, when the other gradually ages, old and defeated, has more and more illnesses, and even watching the other die of old age...so, no longer love then? Since, in the future, will not abandon each other...now should be the same. If just because the other has an illness and not love, then it's not true love. [No one knows one's life span.] Even we, as doctors, cannot guarantee that we'll live to a hundred. Thus, there is no guarantee of growing old together in marriage vows, but must guarantee that, whether in sickness or in health, must be together"

it's true.. u dont say about eternity for one had no guarantee in eternity... everyone who said this line with their other half should have knew why instead of making it short and simple with the word eternity, to be with you for the eternity... why is the vow written it into, to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health... because this is the times, where love are put onto a test....


someone asked me before... why?
why am i so scared to be in love... is it that you had put ur target so high ??
i asked myself before.. am i?? am i putting it so high ?? or am i guarding my heart, my feeling so strong that i walled it high and not letting anyone to step in...

i thought for a second... i choose the latter one... i guard myself too well.. to be over protective of myself...
protect myself from this.. i knew i am being way to realistic.. to protective that i had no-one to had a slightest chance to put me into a dilemma..

i am too coward.. coward to be in love... or too self-protective..

i should open up a little...

please dont give up on me.. =)


so yeah...

a bitter day

have u heard quotes about smile?? how a smile could change a person and a day of another person?
how strong a smile could give? how beautiful a smile could be??

did anyone mention to you that if u were to smile with full gratitude, to smile with the most sincerity u had, u had the best life? and that it brightens up people around you?? how powerful it could be and that it melts just any ice??

some examples of quotes by the big names ... on smile~

1. Peace begins with smile - Mother Teresa
2. "And then he gives a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me" - katniss everdeen , Hunger Game
3. Let us make one point that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile. smile at each other, make time for each other in your family - Mother Teresa
4. if you cant find the right words for certain situations just give a smile. words have the potential to confuse but a smile convinces.
5. your smile looks adorable on you! you should wear it more often.

i smiled.. i smiled every day.. waking up in the morning, smiling my heart out, being a cheerful girl i always am...
but the smile portion just dont work.. it didnt work.. it never work...

how could it not work on me?? is it really not working?? am i really a failure in life??
i did something wrong in my daily life?? this never stops, and being continuous all day and every day... i am so sick about it..

why is it me who had to cope with everyone emotion and not just someone to cope with mine??
am i being the one coping for so long, that i had become a no-emotion sapiens??

i am tired... i really do...
i am tired to be someone's doll... i am tired to be everyone moderator..
i am tired to cope with everyone stress and emotion..

dont blame me for not being understanding.. i had my own level of stress... i had my own problems that are unspoken of...
why am i had to understand your stress and keep up with the tantrum ??

i had enough that i smile early in the morning and everyone had a poker face to show....
i had enough of smiling... it just doesnt work that way... it doesnt...